Today’s Co–Star said:
Crying can be the first step to moving on.
And underneath that:
Stop apologizing for having feelings. That relationship or situation you’ve been trying to save? Let it break. Your tears aren’t weakness—they’re information. Someone who truly cares will stick around while you fall apart.
I actually found that message strangely soothing.
Maybe because it explained something about how I’ve been feeling lately.
I catch feelings quite easily sometimes.
Here and there.
Trying to keep things simple while simultaneously overthinking every tiny interaction.
Do I actually like this person?
Do they like me?
Am I reading too much into this?
Should I say something?
Should I back off?
What did that mean?
And suddenly something small becomes an entire internal investigation.
Maybe I don’t need to apologise for that.
Maybe having a feeling doesn’t automatically mean I need to do something about it.
I can like someone without needing to know where it is going.
I can be disappointed without turning it into a tragedy.
I can cry without deciding that everything has gone terribly wrong.
Maybe I just need to let myself feel things before trying to explain them.
Or maybe the universe is just messing with my emotions again.
Who knows.
Anyway.
I woke up around 4 this morning to a message from Dylan asking where we were last night.
I replied.
Then I remembered something very important:
I don’t start work until 5 PM today.
Yes, I’m working in Takapuna.
But surely 4 AM is still a little early to start preparing.
So I pulled the blanket back over myself and went straight back to sleep.
I woke up again around 10:30.
This time, responsibilities had arrived.
I needed to message James about my hours.
Naturally, that turned into something else.
He asked about the floor training and wanted the latest PowerPoint.
I told him it still wasn’t finished, but I’d send it through by 5.
So apparently the day had officially started.
I rolled around on the bed for a bit, grabbed my laptop, and started working.
By the time I finished everything, it was almost 2:30.
Which meant I had reached the point where procrastination officially had to end.
Shower.
Best clothes.
Get ready for Takapuna.
Lucas started work at 4, so I figured I’d head into the Viaduct with her and then walk over to Britomart to catch the bus.
Simple enough.
Work done.
Slides finished.
Now I just had to physically transport myself to the other side of Auckland.
On the bus, I kept my phone very close this time.
Learned my lesson.
No accidental sightseeing in the wrong direction today.
I got to Takapuna, started my shift, and honestly…
nothing really happened.
Dinner was so quiet that before 10 PM we had already finished closing and were out of the venue.
Very efficient.
Very uneventful.
Exactly what my brain probably needed.
Also, I should probably mention that I was absolutely not tired.
This time I brought my own jumbo tumbler to Starbucks and filled it with a six-shot vanilla iced latte.
Six shots.
In the late afternoon.
So yes.
Going straight home after work was never really a realistic outcome.
And yes, I have photographic evidence.
My giant tumbler.
My ridiculous coffee order.
My very questionable decision-making.
No wonder I wasn’t tired.
I had basically turned my Starbucks order into a personality trait.
After work, I took the NX1 bus back.
Honestly, I love this bus.
First of all, the name already sounds futuristic.
NX1.
Like I’m travelling through some cyberpunk version of Auckland.
But inside?
Completely different mood.
Blue lights.
Quiet.
Almost weirdly romantic.
Which is slightly dangerous considering today’s Co–Star message.
Crying can be the first step to moving on.
Great.
So now I’m sitting inside a romantic blue bus, heading toward the place where half my recent emotional damage seems to live.
Maybe I’ll cry.
Maybe I won’t.
Who knows.
BRB.
Might cry.
I arrived at AA and got my drink.
Jameson.
Cranberry.
Fresh lime.
Somehow it has become one of those drinks that just feels comforting.
Thanks, Steve.
And honestly, I think that’s where I want to leave today.
I’ve got my drink.
Lucas is still working.
And for once, I’m just going to sit here and enjoy the moment instead of turning it into something I need to analyse.
Tomorrow is supposed to be my day off.
Supposed to be.
I’ve got a meeting with the marketing team at Lula’s.
I still need to finalise the floor training.
I need to contact everyone and make sure they’re rostered for Wednesday.
So yes.
Apparently even on my day off, I still somehow find a way to work.
Classic.
But that can be tomorrow’s problem.
Tonight, I’m just going to finish my drink and wait for Lucas.
Maybe I won’t cry after all.
And maybe moving on doesn’t always look like some dramatic emotional release.
Maybe sometimes it is just letting yourself have the feeling.
Then getting on the bus.
Getting your favourite drink.
Sitting somewhere familiar.
And allowing the night to be simple.
Anything worth remembering from here can belong to tomorrow.