Today’s Co–Star said:
Find people who will help you live a big life.
And underneath that:
Stop apologizing for wanting significance.
I liked that.
Because lately I’ve been thinking about what a “big life” actually means.
Maybe it isn’t just money.
Or status.
Or doing something dramatic enough that people notice.
Maybe a big life is also about the people around you.
People who make you want to grow.
People who calm you down.
People who encourage you.
People who make you feel safe enough to be stupid.
People who remind you that ambition is not something you need to apologise for.
People who make life feel bigger simply because they are in it.
And before today properly started, there was something from last night I wanted to remember.
At Dylan’s house, he showed me his Pokémon card binder.
I have always loved Pokémon.
I’ve wanted to collect the cards before, but I never really knew how to start.
Dylan gave me a few tips and agreed to help me get into it properly.
So apparently I now have another thing to look forward to with him.
Pokémon cards.
At almost thirty years old.
And honestly?
Who cares.
I’m going to be a Pokémon Master at 30.
Dylan arranges his binder based on the Pokémon he actually likes.
Not by value.
Not by set.
Not by whatever collectors say is “correct.”
Just by attachment.
And I think I want to do the same.
My main binder will probably start with:
Pikachu.
Charmander and its evolutions.
Bulbasaur and its evolutions.
Squirtle and its evolutions.
Then Eevee.
And every Eeveelution.
Jolteon.
Vaporeon.
Flareon.
Espeon.
Umbreon.
Leafeon.
Glaceon.
Sylveon.
There are more Pokémon I love too, obviously.
Maybe I’ll even create a page on this blog for the collection.
Take photos of the cards.
Write little notes.
Keep track of why I like them.
Where I got them.
What memory is attached to them.
I haven’t even properly started yet and I’m already excited.
And maybe that is one of the nicest things about this.
It has nothing to do with work.
Nothing to do with being productive.
Nothing to do with looking impressive.
I just like Pokémon.
That’s enough.
Then today started very simply.
I woke up around 8:30 with almost no responsibilities.
The only thing I really needed to do was download some music for the event at Rosie’s Viaduct tonight.
I wasn’t even the DJ.
Nela was playing.
But every now and then I somehow end up jumping behind the decks with her, so I figured I should at least be prepared.
Very responsible of me.
Unfortunately, it was cold.
The bed was warm.
And downloading music suddenly felt considerably less important.
So I pulled myself deeper under the covers and went back to sleep.
I woke up again around noon.
Hungry.
Okay.
Now the day could start.
First problem:
I apparently had no nice pants clean for work.
And with the big bosses around tonight, maybe today wasn’t the day to test exactly how casual I could get away with being.
So I put some pants in the washing machine.
Reheated garlic bread.
Made myself another whole jug of tea because apparently I still refuse to make tea in normal human quantities.
Then I sat down and started finding music.
Downloading whatever felt right for tonight.
House.
Things with energy.
Things I might want just in case Nela eventually handed me the decks.
Once the pants went into the dryer, everything started moving properly.
Shower.
Songs onto USB.
Get dressed.
Get ready.
And today I wore I Will by Giorgio Armani.
Hello, Jonathan Bailey.
The fragrance is still new enough that not everybody is wearing it yet.
So if there was ever a day to try and smell impressive, today was probably the day.
Big bosses around.
Might as well commit.
I also grabbed some cold medicine for a friend before heading out.
Then straight onto the train.
I still love this train.
It is so fast that I can leave home at the last possible minute and still convince myself I am organised.
Dangerous knowledge.
And of course:
five-shot coffee.
Big bosses are around.
“A” game.
Arrived at work.
Prepared for everyone important to arrive.
And then…
nothing much happened.
All that preparation.
All that caffeine.
All that perfume.
And service was just service.
But as the shift went on, I could feel myself getting tired.
More irritable.
Getting annoyed at little things.
Normally, if I’m feeling off during a shift, there are certain little habits I use to reset myself.
But with the big bosses around, I had to behave.
So naturally, I ran over to Lula’s for a quick pick-me-up drink.
Professionalism.
HAHAHAHA.
Then tonight’s event actually gave me something I cared about.
It was Jamie Freeman’s leaving party.
I never really had a proper work relationship with Jamie.
But James always spoke highly of him.
Jules did too.
Courtney too.
And from the little I’ve seen myself, I understand why.
Jamie makes an effort to know your name before speaking to you.
That might sound like such a small thing.
But to me, it isn’t.
There is something incredibly respectful about someone making the effort to know who you are.
Even if they have to ask someone else first.
It says:
I know you are a person, not just someone standing in front of me.
I respect that a lot.
At Lisa’s leaving party, I had asked Jamie what kind of music he listened to.
His answer was immediate.
House music.
So this morning, when I was going through the DJ pool, I downloaded as much interesting house music as I could find.
Just in case.
And of course, eventually Nela asked me to cover her while she went for some fresh air, used the bathroom, and took a quick break.
The second she handed me the decks?
BPM changed.
Genre changed.
House.
Nela works for a DJ company, so she has strict rules about what she can and cannot play.
She has a brand to follow.
I don’t.
Nobody has put those restrictions on me.
So I thought:
this is Jamie’s leaving party.
Why not play something Jamie actually likes?
And then Jamie started dancing.
Reacting to the music.
Enjoying himself.
Perfect.
That was all the validation I needed.
If anything comes back to me tomorrow, I already know my defence.
It was Jamie’s leaving party. I played something Jamie loved.
And honestly?
I stand by that.
Later, Dylan dropped a keg on his leg.
I felt awful for him.
Part of me wished I had the energy to close the bar for him.
But I didn’t.
I wasn’t really in the mood.
And I still wanted to keep playing music.
That’s the honest version.
So once everything I needed to do was finished, I clocked out at around 9:45 and went back to the decks with Nela.
Then Jamie came over and asked for a song.
One problem.
I didn’t have it.
So I left the decks.
Grabbed my laptop.
Found the track.
Put it onto my USB.
And played it as the final song of the night.
I’m really glad I did.
Jamie loved it.
And if tonight was meant to be about him, then ending the night with the song he actually requested felt right.
A proper ending.
His group invited me to keep the night going at Danny Doolan’s afterwards.
And I probably could have.
But I looked at Dylan.
I knew he wanted to go home.
He was staying at mine tonight anyway because he opens tomorrow.
So we finished our drinks.
Got an Uber.
Went home.
And then Dylan discovered something apparently unacceptable about me:
I have never watched Shrek.
So we ordered food.
Put the movie on.
And apparently I am now having a Shreking session.
Honestly, that feels like a pretty good way to end the day.
Today started with Co–Star telling me:
Find people who will help you live a big life.
And maybe I spent the day thinking a big life had to mean ambition.
Responsibility.
More management.
More DJing.
More opportunities.
More growth.
And yes, maybe some of it does.
Maybe James trusting me with more things is part of it.
Maybe getting behind the decks and playing something specifically for Jamie is part of it.
Maybe caring enough to remember what someone likes is part of it.
Maybe learning something new like Pokémon card collecting is part of it.
But maybe a big life also contains very small things.
Someone showing you their card binder.
A friend teaching you how to start a hobby.
Making sure someone’s leaving party sounds like them.
Going home instead of extending the night.
Ordering food.
Watching Shrek for the first time with someone you care about.
Maybe the right people don’t just push you toward bigger things.
Maybe sometimes they make the small things feel bigger too.
And maybe that’s enough for tonight.
I’m going to stop writing.
Eat.
Watch the movie.
Let Dylan make fun of me for apparently missing a critical piece of human culture.
The rest can wait until tomorrow.