I opened Co–Star this morning and today’s message felt less like advice and more like a warning.
Sometimes you want things that are bad for you.
Underneath that, it talked about being drawn toward something that promises instant relief but creates long-term chaos.
And honestly?
Maybe I have been wanting a lot lately.
Wanting answers.
Wanting people.
Wanting things to happen faster.
Wanting certain feelings to disappear.
Wanting certain other feelings to become real.
So maybe today wasn’t a day for making moves.
Maybe it was a day for asking:
Do I actually want this?
Or do I just want the feeling I think it will give me?
That seems like an important difference.
Anyway.
The rest of the morning was very glamorous.
Laundry.
Tea.
PowerPoint.
I put some delicate clothes into the wash because I wanted to wear one of them to work later.
Then I noticed how much other laundry I also need to do.
Future problem.
I made myself a whole jug of tea because apparently one cup has never really been enough for me.
Go big or go home.
Except I was already home.
So I just went big at home.
Then I sat down with the tea and finished the slides for the floor-staff training we were supposed to do tomorrow.
Sent them to my bosses.
Checked the availability poll.
One person was available.
Amazing.
So I guess we are rescheduling.
Again.
Management.
Very exciting.
I was working at Rosie’s Takapuna tonight, which meant about an hour on the bus.
At first I thought:
there goes an hour of my evening.
Then I tried not to stare at my phone.
I looked outside instead.
And honestly?
New Zealand is beautiful.
The weather was warm.
The sunlight came through the glass.
Not too cold.
Not too hot.
Just one of those temperatures where everything feels easy.
And I realised I actually like travelling.
Even if the destination is work.
Which is ironic, because my attempt to enjoy the journey almost completely sabotaged the journey.
I knew there were supposed to be six stops before mine.
So instead of checking Maps, I counted them in my head.
One.
Two.
Three.
Eventually I got to seven and looked around.
This does not look familiar.
Opened my phone.
Same bus number.
Wrong direction.
Amazing.
Apparently this is the danger of trying to reduce screen time.
You become so present that you end up in the wrong suburb.
I immediately called Courtney, the Business Leader at Rosie’s Takapuna, and told her what happened.
She just laughed.
Told me not to worry.
And then something happened that I really want to remember.
The sun came out from behind the clouds.
It hit me straight in the face.
Warm.
Bright.
Comforting.
And I felt instantly lighter.
Maybe taking the wrong bus was exactly the detour I needed.
I was supposed to be annoyed.
Instead, I sat there with the sunlight on my face feeling weirdly cheerful and hopeful.
While I was waiting, I was listening to Constant Companion by Sam Smith.
And for some reason I related to it in a way I hadn’t expected.
Not as a song about another person.
About this.
The blog.
The memories.
The feelings.
Even the painful ones.
Maybe they are my constant companions.
Not because I want to carry pain forever.
But because once something happens to me, it becomes part of the person I am becoming.
At first, a memory hurts.
Then maybe it becomes context.
Then maybe it becomes a lesson.
Then maybe one day I look back and think:
that hurt me once.
And it still taught me something.
Maybe memory is not something I need to escape.
Maybe I just need to learn how to carry it differently.
Then the bus came.
And guess what?
It was the exact same bus that had taken me the wrong way.
It had finished the route.
Gone all the way around.
And came back for me.
Honestly, what is the philosophy of that?
Maybe sometimes the thing that takes you in the wrong direction isn’t gone forever.
Maybe you just have to get off.
Let it complete its cycle.
And when it comes back around, maybe it can finally take you somewhere better.
Or maybe it is just Auckland public transport being Auckland public transport.
Either way, I’m choosing the poetic version.
A wrong turn doesn’t mean the journey is ruined.
Sometimes you just reroute.
I finally reached my stop feeling sleepy, so obviously I ordered coffee.
Four shots.
Standard.
Then I arrived at Rosie’s Takapuna and Courtney started laughing at me.
Apparently the whole wrong-bus thing was very funny to her.
Fair.
The shift itself was actually really good.
Slow.
Calm.
Almost peaceful.
Time moved ridiculously slowly, but I didn’t mind.
One thing I love about Rosie’s Takapuna is how easy the whole place feels to manage.
The restaurant is small enough that I can almost stand in one spot and see everything.
Very different from Rosie’s Viaduct.
The staff are easier too.
If I ask the waiter in a section whether they’ve done a meal check, they just follow the instruction.
I’m not asking because I want to micromanage them.
I’m asking because I’ve worked in hospitality long enough to read body language.
I can tell when a table needs attention.
I can tell when something feels slightly wrong before anyone says anything.
I care about the customer.
That’s why I ask.
I also met Courtney’s new hire, Kate.
She was lovely.
Bubbly.
Cheerful.
Exactly the kind of energy I love in staff.
There is something about a person who naturally brings light into a room.
And I found myself thinking:
please don’t let Rosie’s take that out of you.
Keep that attitude.
I hope you do well here.
I hope you keep that warmth.
I hope you succeed.
Maybe that sounds dramatic for someone I just met.
But I genuinely want good people to stay good.
Takapuna itself feels different too.
Beautiful.
Calm.
Slow.
Right beside the beach.
And during closing, once the music was turned off, I could hear the waves crashing somewhere in the distance.
For a few seconds, I just stood there.
No crowd.
No music.
No problem to solve.
Just the sound of the ocean.
I think I understand why I like this venue.
It feels like work can breathe here.
Then, on the walk to the bus stop after the shift, I looked around and noticed the lights.
The empty walkway.
The colours.
The way everything looked against the dark.
Nothing extraordinary was happening.
I was literally just going home.
But it was beautiful.
And I loved it.
Maybe I’m starting to understand that a journey doesn’t have to be exciting to be beautiful.
Maybe that is true about a lot of things.
A bus ride.
A slow shift.
Laundry.
Tea.
A night walk.
The things that seem like wasted time.
Maybe they are not wasted at all.
At the start of today, Co–Star warned me that sometimes I want things that are bad for me.
And I think I understood that as:
be careful what you chase.
But maybe today also reminded me that I don’t always need to chase anything.
Sometimes the thing I need is already happening.
Warm sunlight through a bus window.
A song that suddenly means something different.
A wrong bus coming back around.
A quiet restaurant by the beach.
A new staff member with a beautiful attitude.
Waves in the dark.
Pretty lights on the way home.
Nothing huge.
Nothing dramatic.
Just enough.
I’m on my way back to the Viaduct now to meet some of the staff.
Maybe I’ll stay for a drink or two.
Maybe I’ll go straight home.
I don’t know yet.
But I’m going to stop writing here.
Whatever happens after this can belong to tomorrow.
For now, I’m just going to enjoy the rest of the night.